now, i'll be the first to admit it: i have a horrible self-esteem.
now, don't go running around being like "oh, but why, you're so perfect at everything you do!", because a) that's not true, b) i've learned that it doesn't help, and c) that's not the point of this post.
however, i have valid reasons for feeling like this. this post is NOT just about me and making me feel good, so hear me out before you decide that i'm a compliment fisher.
i've been thinking about why a lot of people have low self-esteems. from what i've noticed, these reasons vary by a lot. i've narrowed the reasons why i think *i* am down to the following:
1. you are your own worst critic.
most people will be the harshest judge of their own work. i think it's a defense mechanism: when you say horrible things about yourself/your work, it doesn't hurt as much when others say similar things.
2. i am an artist.
being of an artistic nature, the things i do are going to be criticized. i'm a writer, i'm an actress, i'm a dancer. all of those things are things that HAVE to be criticized in order to improve.
3. i am a teenager.
i overanalyze everything. i, as well as all teenagers, have a lot of feelings and mood swings and HORMONES.
4. i am a girl.
depending on whether or not you want to go with the stereotypes, girls might care about these things more. now, i know this isn't true. both genders care equally about these things, though girls tend to show it more.
5. i pay some attention to pop culture.
according to pop culture, i am not pretty. i am "uncool". i don't fit in. i don't care enough about what i look like. having this message constantly sent my way is not good for the self-esteem of the average nerd.
6. following up on that last one, i don't spend a ton of time and money trying to make myself fit into pop culture.
i don't straighten my hair except for special occasions. for the most part, my hair will just be in a ponytail. i don't wear makeup, except when i'm on stage. i don't buy designer clothes. with society constantly telling me i should do these things, a girl is bound to get at least a little self-conscious.
7. when i was younger, i had a lot of trouble making friends.
sure, i had a few friends, but i was always fighting with them. i was always that kid that just stood by watching everyone. it seemed like everything i did made people hate me more.
8. i care what others think.
i'm not the kind of person that will only do things if i know that everyone will be happy with me. au contraire, i'll be myself even if i know that some of my opinions are controversial. however, i enjoy having friends and not being hated by everyone. i also like getting some sort of semi-constructive feedback about things i do. it comes with being a writer. the downside is that it makes me more self-conscious.
so, all of these things add up.
i'm not going to pretend that i think i'm the only one that feels like this. in fact, i know that's not true, which is one of the reasons i wrote this post. hopefully, this post did something other than allow me to express all this to the world. i know a lot of people fall under at least one of those (and if you don't, well... i hope you at least slightly fall under #8.).
so, dear blog followers, how about this: together we'll work on making ourselves feel better about, well, ourselves. you in?
peace,love,andkitkatbars.
You aren't alone :)
ReplyDeleteI feel like that all the time. It helps to think of your positive qualities and how to improve them instead of concentrating on negative ones, and also to realise that you really *are* your own worst critic.
I have low-self esteem issues too. It's weird because there are days when I feel hot, gorgeous, intelligent and altogether awesome, and other days, I feel like a disgusting looking lousy sack of shit. So you're definitely not alone here.
ReplyDeleteYou know how people are always saying that appearances don't matter or that those celebs are nothing but photoshopped pictures in magazines? Well, sadly, that isn't really true. ):
But I guess we just need to remember that no matter what, we ARE important and we're wonderful in our own way.
I'm definitely with you on this one. (:
Babe, you're definitely not alone.
ReplyDeleteMy self esteem is nonexistent.
But what you mentioned about straying from pop culture...you know what that tells me?
That you DO have a self esteem.
The girls that follow others...strive to be like what they see on TV or amongst their peers...THEY'RE the ones without self esteem.
They're not even happy in their own skin.
And the fact that you don't care what people think...that's another sign that you're comfortable with yourself.
I wish I were as strong as you.
You're definitely not alone. I have very little self-esteem.
ReplyDeleteI was reading something in a book full of awesome nonfiction essays about why blacks seem to excel in sports more than whites. I didn't care much for the race parts, but what I did find interesting was the part where the author compared whites to girls and blacks to boys. Girls tend to have less self-confidence than boys, says the author, because, when they find themselves to be smart in some subject, they attribute their success to their hard work, not their intelligence, and if they fail to do well, they blame themselves. Boys, on the other hand, attribute their successes to themselves and their failures to the teacher, the uselessness of the subject, basically anything but themselves. The girls' self-confidences just can't win.
I can't say I totally agree with the author's analysis, but I find that indeed, if I do badly in a subject, say math, I just think "I'm no good at math, and I never will be." And I'm reluctant to call myself smart. My main motivator to do well in school is that, if I'm not good in academics, then I'm pretty much a failure at life since I'm not very good at anything else. =(
I suppose that, through it all, we have to try and remember that we were made for SOME reason and we aren't just a waste of space. And we need to find something about ourselves to take pride in. =)
Number seven? I was the exact same way when I was younger. I'm kind of like that now. I'm worried that I get on everyone's nerves so I sit in the back and just watch everyone. I know it isn't good, but I can't stop.
ReplyDelete